Coping Strategies: Post Partum Weight Loss July 8, 2009

For a lot of Mom’s Post-partum weight is a sticky issue. This article provides some excellent tips and suggestions that are easy to follow even here in South Korea. Do you have any tips or advice you’d like to share? Please leave a comment if you do! Thanks!

View original article at Winning at Post Partum Weight Loss
Six strategies for new moms. A healthy pregnancy almost always involves weight gain. But now that baby’s here, you’re probably wishing those extra pounds would hurry up and disappear! While it won’t happen overnight, these six simple tips can help you lose that extra weight in a healthy way.

Strategy #1
Try to relax and don’t be in too much of a hurry to lose your extra pregnancy weight. Remember, it took 9 months for you to put it on, and you should give yourself at least half that amount of time to take it back off. In fact, eight to 12 months is not an unreasonable amount of time to give yourself. And even if it does take a year to get back to your pre- pregnancy size and shape, those pounds are all the more likely to stay off because you’ve lost them gradually.

You definitely should not be thinking about weight loss at all in the early post-partum weeks. Your body needs this time to recover from giving birth, readjust to its pre-pregnancy state, and establish a milk supply for your baby. Besides, most new moms find that a fair amount of weight tends to melt off all by itself in these first few weeks as excess fluids retained in late pregnancy are gradually shed.

Remember that gradual weight loss based on sensible nutrition and enjoyable physical activity is the best path to permanent weight loss. This applies whether or not weight gain is due to pregnancy, but when you are dealing with all the changes and adjustments that come with having a new baby, it’s all the more important to take a slow and steady approach so you don’t add to your stress level.

And speaking of stress, recent research shows that when you’re stressed, your body releases hormones that can contribute to weight gain. So try not to add to your stress level at this time by putting unreasonable pressure on yourself to lose that extra weight too fast. Instead, take a long term approach and be sure to incorporate some kind of relaxation into your day, whether it’s having a nap, a warm bath, or receiving a relaxing back massage.

Strategy #2
Eat well and nourish yourself with healthy foods so you’ll have the energy you need to care for yourself and your baby. If you restrict your calories you’ll probably get tired, cranky, and lose energy, making you less apt to exercise and less able to take good care of your baby.

Cutting back too much on your caloric intake can also sabotage your weight loss efforts by forcing your body into “starvation mode.” When your body isn’t getting enough fuel, it becomes much more efficient at using what you do give it, so that over time you will actually gain weight rather than lose it. You are much better off to eat well and get regular, moderate exercise to help shed those extra pounds.

Remember though, that there is a big difference between eating and eating well! If you eat nourishing foods you will probably feel full sooner and you will likely need fewer calories than if you eat “empty calorie” foods like white bread and french fries. Eat a variety of healthy foods, including plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, and make sure you are getting a proper balance of the major nutrients (protein, carbohydrate and healthy fats). You may want to talk to your doctor or midwife about continuing to take your pre-natal multivitamin, or other supplements, at least during the immediate post-partum period.

Snacking is something you’ll probably want to do a lot of, either because you may not always have time to prepare a meal, or because the demands of caring for a new baby mean you get hungry more often.

Here are a few ideas for good, nutrient-dense choices for snack foods, which are easy to prepare in.

* Even in South Korea:

* apple slices spread with low fat cream cheese and sprinkled with crushed walnuts
* yogurt with chopped fresh fruit and nuts
* whole grain toast with nut butter
* cheese with whole grain crackers or rice cakes
* tomato or mixed vegetable juice with a hard boiled egg

On the other hand, try not to overdo it. Being pregnant or nursing a baby is not a license to indulge in a non-stop buffet of foods, even if they are nutritious! Eat when you are hungry, make healthy food choices most of the time, and remember that your baby is counting on you to choose wisely if you’re breastfeeding, so make those calories count nutrient-wise.

Strategy #3
Drink plenty of water. You will probably be very thirsty if you are nursing your baby and you should drink as much as your thirst dictates. But even if you’re not breastfeeding, lots of pure water is important in your quest to shed those pregnancy pounds.

First of all, water has no calories, so when compared to other beverages, it’s hands down the best bet in terms of weight loss. Diet soft drinks and other low calorie beverages may have only a couple of calories, but your body craves pure water in order to be able to function properly. Besides, many people are concerned about the artificial sweeteners used in these products, and caffeinated diet drinks may increase fussiness in your baby if you’re nursing. Go ahead and indulge if this is something you just can’t live without, but make sure you’re not doing it at the expense of your water needs.

Secondly, water is helpful in the process of burning stored body fat. Studies have shown that not drinking enough water can hinder your weight loss efforts because the liver has to work harder to metabolize waste when your body is not properly hydrated.

And finally, drinking enough water will help you feel full so you eat less. This is especially true if you’re eating lots of high fiber foods such as whole grain breads and cereals. The fiber in whole grains will absorb water, making you feel full longer.

Other liquids are fine too, such as juice, milk (dairy or substitutes), and herbal teas. But do try to stay away from those empty calorie soft drinks and anything that’s labeled “beverage,” “punch” or “drink” instead of “juice.” And even though they may be considered healthful, watch your intake of pure fruit juices. Juices contain nutrients that your body needs, but they are a very concentrated source of sugar as well. Whenever possible you are better off to eat a piece of fresh fruit and drink water for thirst.

You should also try to limit your intake of coffee and caffeinated tea. Doing so may help both you and your baby regulate your sleep habits. Some babies get very fussy and hard to settle when mom is breastfeeding and drinks caffeinated beverages.

Drinking lots of water is one of those things that seems easy in theory, but in practice it can be difficult to accomplish. One effective strategy to help make sure you get enough is to place water bottles strategically around the house. You can buy small plastic bottles of water by the case at the grocery store or you can buy the refillable type of bottle that you might take to the gym or on your bike.

Put a bottle anywhere you spend time during the day: near your favourite nursing chair (put several here–you’ll probably use them all!), near baby’s change table, on the bathroom counter, on top of the washing machine, on the kitchen counter, on your desk, on a shelf near the front door, beside your bed, on the kitchen table, etc. Each morning, spend 3 or 4 minutes making the rounds collecting yesterday’s empty bottles and replacing them with fresh ones. This way, you’ll be more likely to drink lots of water because there will always be some close at hand.

Strategy #4
Breastfeed your baby if at all possible. Depending on the age and weight of your baby, you can use around 800 calories a day producing milk for her. Besides the host of other benefits that breastfeeding affords both you and your baby, quicker postnatal weight loss is one advantage that all new moms welcome. Even if you are returning to work or can’t breastfeed full time for any reason, any amount of breast milk is good for your baby, and as a perk, will help you use up additional calories for as long as you are able to continue.

In addition, breastfeeding releases natural hormones that help you relax. Since the hormones released when you are stressed can contribute to weight gain, it only makes sense to counter this with activities that help you relax. Breastfeeding is a wonderful way to do this, and you and your baby will also benefit in so many other ways. If you need more information or support with breastfeeding, visit La Leche League International on the web at http://www.LaLecheLeague.org

Strategy #5
Get moderate exercise on a regular basis. Of course, you should get the go ahead from your doctor first, and you will likely need to wait longer if you’ve had a Cesarean birth, but most new moms can begin a gentle fitness program very soon after their baby is born.

Exercise is definitely one of those things that most of us feel obligated to do and few of us seem to enjoy. In fact, for many moms, having a new baby seems to be a great excuse not to exercise. After all, you’re legitimately busy, sleep-deprived, and probably a bit nervous about leaving your precious bundle with someone else while you head to the gym. But wait! Who ever said you had to pump iron, punch a bag or jump around in a fitness class for an hour to get your exercise?

The whole key to sticking with a fitness program is to choose an activity you enjoy. If you enjoy hiking outdoors, why not invest in a baby carrier so you and your baby can do this together? There are all kinds of baby trailers on the market now so your baby can join you on a bike ride or even a cross country ski outing if these are activities you enjoy. If swimming is fun for you, why not offer to take a friend’s teenager to the pool. She can sit close by with your baby on the pool deck while you do a few lengths, and then you and your baby can enjoy a leisurely lunch or cup of tea while the teen gets a chance to play in the pool in return for helping you out. Yoga classes for moms and babies are also popular now, and this can be a very enjoyable and relaxing way to spend time with your baby while you exercise.

For the new mom who wasn’t active before pregnancy, gentle forms of exercise such as taking a stroll are ideal. If you can find another new mom close by to share this time with, your walks will become a pleasant activity that you look forward to, instead of part of your dreaded post- natal fitness program. If your health unit or community nursing program offers a drop in program for new moms you will be able to connect with other moms there. Or perhaps you’ve stayed in touch with a mom you met in your pre-natal classes. As you start to feel more energetic you can increase the length and the intensity of your walks. Ans if the weather is bad you can always walk around the mall and enjoy the sights.

Gentle dancing or rocking while holding your baby is also excellent exercise that both of you can enjoy. When your baby is fussy or tired and nursing her doesn’t seem to be helping, why not put on some music and introduce her to your favourite dance steps? She won’t mind if you don’t get the steps right, she’ll just enjoy being close to you while you move, and you’ll get the fitness benefits. Most babies will enjoy dancing with you even when they’re not tired and cranky. As she gets older your dance dates will probably be greeted with giggles and squeals of delight.

Remember though that moderation in your exercise program is the key. Even if you bounce back quickly from your baby’s birth and are feeling very energetic, be sure to start slowly and increase your exercise level gradually. Too much too soon can set you back by causing you to feel exhausted later on in the day. This can lead to grouchiness or a bout of the baby blues, neither of which will motivate you to continue exercising! Remember the old adage, “always leave ‘em wanting more.” This should be your fitness mantra in the first few postpartum months. In other words, stop before you’ve had enough and you’ll be more likely to continue with your fitness program the next day.

Strategy #6
Wear your baby often. Using a sling, wrap or carrier to keep baby close during the day will make your baby happier, plus it will give you a little extra weight to pack around as you do your daily chores and activities. It may not seem like much, but as your baby grows you’ll be increasing the amount of weight you’re carrying while you go about your daily routines. And that adds up to extra weight loss for you.

Instead of using a stroller when you take a walk, put baby in the carrier. Instead of putting her in a swing or rocking seat, rock her to sleep in your arms or in your baby carrier while you stand and gently bounce to and fro. When you go to the grocery store, carry her in a sling instead of putting her in the shopping cart. In fact, if you’re lucky enough to live within walking distance of your grocery store, you can even make this a daily outing to pick up a few items each time. Your baby will enjoy the extra closeness of being in a sling or carrier as you do laundry, tend the garden, or even take some time out for a hobby like bird watching. Babies in our society seem to spend so much time strapped into various pieces of equipment. Most will love the opportunity to be closer to the person they most adore–you!

The bonus for mom is that extra weight to carry equals extra calories burned. Over the course of a year this can add up to significant weight loss, in a very healthy way for all concerned. Depending on how often you carry your baby, and how much she weighs, you can easily burn an extra 100-200 calories a day just by carrying her along for part of your day. Anytime you’re on the go, try to carry your baby with you and you’ll be getting the benefit of the increased calorie burn that comes with packing around an extra 10, 15, or 20 pounds.

And there you have it, six painless ways to lose those extra pregnancy pounds effortlessly and without stress. Remember, your baby won’t be small for long so try not to get too preoccupied with weight loss. If you eat well most of the time, get some moderate exercise on a regular basis, and follow the rest of the tips in this article series, you’ll get back in shape with hardly a second thought.

Coping Strategies: Baby Proofing March 22, 2009

There are two rules that I have found when it comes to baby-proofing:

1. Don’t underestimate your child.

2. Don’t overestimate your child.

Let’s start with the first rule:

Baby’s physical abilities can change overnight. One day, he may not be able to roll over half way, the next, he may be rolling off the couch/bed/changing table.

Babies/toddlers have astounding powers of observation. Though, they may lack understanding of some simple concepts, they can observe and repeat complicated maneuvers to cause destruction, especially to your electronics. Also, they can figure out how to open child-proof latches, etc., in the blink of an eye.

Now for the second rule:

Some people, like my mother-in-law, will say things like,”If they are smart enough to get into the child-proof latch, they are smart enough not drink poison. You just have to explain it to them”.

Uh, yeah…that is why she’ll never be left alone with my kids.

I do agree that you should explain things, even before you think they can understand, but babies, even very intelligent toddlers, cannot be relied upon to see the consequences of their actions. Even if they are beyond the stage of drinking some unknown substance, they might feed it to the cat or pour it on their skin and cause burning or damage to fabrics or furniture. You can’t prevent every incident, but with a little planning, forethought and effort, you can prevent many of them.

Now, most of us are living in rented apartments and we may not be able to drill holes to install latches. I know you can find child-proofing materials here in Korea, but I am not sure of the cost. You don’t need special materials to child-proof, though. I have lived in rented apartments overseas for a lot of my motherhood. My mother (we are staying at my parents’ house right now) has a few latches installed, but mostly, we’ve had to use other strategies.

1. Stay ahead of your child’s development:

With your newborn, look for rolling hazards and prevent them before your baby can roll. You are training yourself so that when they do roll over, you will already be adapted to it. When they are rolling over and rutching around on the floor, look for crawling hazards. Crawling hazards include stairs. My 7 month old baby crawled up two flights of stairs in minutes. I didn’t know he could crawl up one stair! Also look for hazards they could get into by pulling up onto furniture, like breakables, etc. Babies can start pulling them up really early and you’d be surprised what they can reach as they develop.

2. Get down on your baby’s level:

This is a good way to find potential hazards. Even better, invite a child who is developmentally one step ahead of yours to come over and watch them. They usually zero in on problems very quickly!

3. If it is breakable, put it up high (suspend from ceiling– ha ha!)

If you can’t get it high enough, just put it away.   Tchotckes, electronics, glass, etc. Kids break things. They just do.

4.   Move the cleaning products:

If  you can’t put safety latches on your cabinets,  move potentially toxic or damaging substances like bleach, dish soap, etc. up high. Even if you can put latches on, moving the most dangerous substances to a higher place is a good idea.

You don’t need to freak out, just be pro-active and use common sense. Even with you efforts, you will probably have some stories to tell. Hower,  if you make take some small steps to recognize and address potential hazards, you can stack the deck in your favor (and you just might get to keep that imported vase you got for Mother’s Day) YIPPIE!!

Coping Strategies: Introducing the Siblings March 9, 2009

We are only a few days in, but things are going fairly well with my oldest anonykid and the anonydog reacting to the new anonykid.

First, my oldest, my 4 year old dog, who was my baby until my  son came.  The dog loves the mailman because I used to order all of her things from special places online. Now, not so much. I still love the anonydog, though. When I brought the first anonykid home,  anonydog was extremely over-excited.  She panted a lot and couldn’t calm down. One night in the kennel (dog crate) instead of the bed and she was calm.

With the new anonykid,  the anonydog was excited, but much calmer.   The anonydog doesn’t like it when the littlest one  cries (which isn’t often) and she will look at me and then look at the baby and give me a little high-pitched woof telling me to help her.   Anonydog also notifies me when the little one’s  diaper needs to be changed by  sniffing deeply and giving me the alert. She loves to be near the baby and is adjusting really well.

Now, onto the older anonykid.  He was very interested when she first came home. He wanted to hold her. He talks to her and seems to like her. He has also had a few major meltdowns. The first one, was our first night home. He woke up at 5:30am screaming and demanded to come into our bed. It took him a long time to calm down and he wanted me, not anonydad.   Last night, he cried for milk. He stopped nursing in January, but he was begging for a turn. When the little one was finished, I put the older anonykid on. He calmed instantly and only nursed for about 10 seconds. He had a fit later on in the evening and demanded that I give him a bath, not daddy. When I tried to get him out, he had a fit. He was hysterical for 20 minutes. We did get him to calm down, eventually by having dad take him downstairs and holding him until he calmed and then reading him books. Then, we put him in our bed and put on some yoga Sanskrit chant music. He zoned out and then said, “I’m ready to go in my bed”.   He slept all night in his bed and woke up happy.

So, here is what I have taken from these early experiences:

1. The older child needs a lot of focused attention from daddy.

2. Mama needs to give reassuring attention whenever possible. He is testing me to make sure that I still care about him and as soon as I pass (let him know he can nurse, let him know I will cuddle him, etc.) he goes about his way. It takes a lot less time to give him that reassurance than to deal with the hysterical tantrums.

3. Don’t take it personally if your toddler is fragile or has tantrums despite your best efforts. It is a big change.

4. Make changes early

Before the birth, I would suggest that you make any changes that you want to make so that there is less change associated with the baby. For example, if you want to wean your older child, do it before the birth.  The older anonykid weaned himself after my milk went away during pregnancy so it was very easy for me. At this point, if he wants to nurse a bit, I don’t mind, but when I got pregnant, he was still nursing a lot, all day. I don’t think I would want to be nursing a newborn full-time with a frequently nursing toddler.

Also, we moved him out of our bed long before the baby came. He is still in our room, but out of the bed. He is used to sleeping in his bed.

5. Pre~potty train

The pediatrician told me to potty train Ian before Eva came, but I chose not to. He wasn’t exhibiting enough interest and with all the traveling we have been doing and will have to do, I knew I couldn’t be consistent enough to make it happen. Toddlers tend to regress in potty training and other things when a new baby comes so don’t stress yourself out trying to potty train by deadline. All kids are different, though, and if you think yours is ready and you can get it well-established before the baby comes then go for it.

6. Tell your toddler that a baby is coming. I think it is good to talk about it, but their sense  of time is not established so you can wait until the end to do it. I talked about the baby once I was showing and we talked more and more towards the end.

While all these things may or may not help your transition, it’s important to be gentle with you, the kiddos (and the pets) becuase this is a pretty big change for all involved.  If other moms have advice, please feel free to share.  The most important thing is to remember…kids are people to and getting to know someone new isn’t always easy…and let’s not even get started on learning how to “work with family” (Smile)!

All the best,

Anonymom and her happy anonyfamily

Coping Strategies: Never Shake a Baby February 28, 2009

A month after I had my anonykid (2.5 years ago), a women in the community who had delivered her baby a few days before me at the same hospital (we were probably there at the same time) got into a fight with her boyfriend and hit him with her baby. The baby was flown to Pittsburgh and did survive, but will probably have long-term damage. As I prepare to deliver this new baby, another incident has occurred in which the baby’s father got angry at the dog for pooping in the house and he kicked the dog so hard the dog died. It was a small dog but you have to kick a Jack Russell Terrier pretty hard to kill it, they are hearty little dogs. Then, the 5 month old baby started crying and he shook her. She vomited, became lethargic and died a few days later in the hospital.

While these incidents may seem so far away from you and you may think that you would NEVER do these things, babies can be stressful. Very stressful. Combined with lack of sleep, you may feel rage boil up inside you when the baby won’t stop crying. A 10-second release of that rage by shaking a baby could be the biggest mistake of your life.

The people in the two incidents above had problems. They weren’t model citizens by any means, but they aren’t the only type of people that do this. Many educated, caring parents can, and have gone off the deep end and done something horrible. Before we were released from the hospital when Ian was born, we (along with everyone at the hospital) had to watch a video about shaken baby syndrome. My husband was insulted at first, because looking at the helpless newborn he could never imagine getting to that point, but after watching the video and hearing stories of people like us who had done it, I was glad it was part of their standard procedure. I don’t know how you ever recover from killing or permanently brain damaging your child.

Don’t think that this could never happen to you. If you start to feel rage or helplessness from stress because your baby is crying and everything seems to be going wrong, put the baby down in a safe place, like the crib or baby chair or even the floor and WALK AWAY and calm yourself down. If you feel you are in serious trouble, CALL SOMEONE. Your husband or another mother from the group. Anyone. Help yourself and your baby before something irreversible happens.

Coping Strategies: Leaving them behind January 27, 2009

Some of you are struggling with leaving new babies and others, like another anonymom, are struggling with the prospect of sending older kids to preschool.

A little background: I did not leave my anonykid with anyone other than my mom or my husband until he started Montessori preschool at 16 months old. Since I had a great baby carrier, I took him with me everywhere I went. However, as babies grow into toddlers and become more mobile and less interested in your activities, it becomes easier to do some things on your own. I tell this story, not because I think I am an expert, but, because I trusted the process and it worked for me.

The school here in Erie allows kids to start at 15 months. We did not know how long we were going to be here, so we decided to start him last January when he turned 16 months. They have a very good “transitioning-in” program where you visit the classroom with the child for about 30 minutes. The goal is to allow the child to explore and for the parent to stay in the background. The parent is instructed not to talk to the child or comment on what the child is doing or even encourage the child to do something. If the child wants to sit on your lap the whole time, you let them, but don’t hold them there. Ian sat on my lap for about the first 10 minutes, but by the end of the period he had made it to all four corners of the room.

The next day, my goal was to leave the room. He started to cry as I left, but as soon as I got across the hall, the teacher had distracted him and he was engaged in “his work” as they call it in Montessori.

The third phase was dropping off. They take the children from your car so that they are leaving you, not you leaving them. The parent must park and is allowed to go inside and stay in a room across the hall. The first drop off, my anonykid cried and he cried for awhile once he got in the classroom, but he eventually settled down.

Finally, I just dropped him off and picked him up. He did cry during drop off and pick up, but had a good time at school in between. After a few weeks, he stopped crying at pickup and after about 6 weeks he stopped crying at drop-off. They had special parent days at the school where we could go and watch and he really enjoyed himself. He went for two months total before we moved to Korea last March.

When we went to Korea, I left Ian in Hourly Care on Post and used the same strategies with talking about it, a visit and quick goodbye and he transitioned very quickly. The teachers actually thanked me for making it easier for them and my anonykid with how I left him.

He just started back at the Montessori school this January since we are back in Erie. This time, we just visited the school once outside of school hours to reacquaint him and them started dropping him off. He cries at drop off, but by the time he gets up to the classroom, he is happy. He is happy when he comes out and talks about school when he isn’t there. It is hard when I drop him off and he cries,”I’m gonna miss you”, but transitions are hard on little kids. You can help them make the transitions.

A few key tips for making the process easier:

1. Make a clear/smooth transition:

If you have a nanny, maybe have the nanny come over once to play with the child before you leave the child. If you take them to school and they don;t have a formal transitioning-in process, create your own, by at least visiting the school with them.

The key with transitioning-in is that you need to make progress everyday, so be there less and less. Also be consistent. Is your kiddo only going to school 1-2 days a week or are you only going with her 1-2 days and she will go by herself the other days. If it is the latter, you might want to reconsider because that will likely be confusing for her. Also, you should try not to stay in the classroom with her the whole time for very long because you don’t want her to get used to you being there.

2. Say “Goodbye”:

Parents are often tempted to sneak away when kids aren’t looking. This is a HUGE mistake. Your child will eventually notice and then become more paranoid and clingy.  Say a quick goodbye,  something like “Good bye,  kiddo. I love you. I will be back after school to pick you up.” They will most likely cry, but they have heard you tell them they will be back and it gives the teacher something to work with to calm them down after you leave.

3.  Do not linger:

Say good bye and leave! If you linger and negotiate and walk a child out and back in YOU WILL MAKE IT MUCH WORSE! The child will think there is something they can do to make you stay and they will get desperate. I have seen children crying to the point of almost vomiting because the parent is lingering.

4. Trust that it’ll be OK:

Leave your cell phone number, but leave the building. Let the teachers have the chance to redirect and engage the child. Let the child process the change. If you give them a chance, they will be o.k. The teachers know how to handle these things and they will call you if the child cannot adjust or is too upset. The key is choosing the school, day care provider or nanny that you trust.

5. Reinforce the concept of school/daycare/visiting etc. :

Talk about why you need to go to these places. If you pass the building/the other person’s home, point it out. Talk about the teacher/caregiver/daycare and the activities they do there. Talk about how great and fun it is.

6. Don’t cry in front of your child.

If you cry, they will think something is very wrong. Wait until you leave if you need to cry.

You and your child can survive this transition. You will enjoy the break and they will enjoy the stimulation of different kids. Will they pick up colds at school? Yes, they are building immunity. Will they get bruised? Yes. Kids fall. They will be o.k.

But, they will also learn things that they wouldn’t learn from you because the new people approach them differently and kids learn quickly from other kids.

My anonykid loves school (and visiing others).  It is his turn to bring snack next week. I hope I can find something for him in Seoul, but the US government doesn’t pay for preschool (except for maybe some Embassy employees).

Anonymom

Coping Strategies: Going out with baby January 22, 2009

I’m trying to get psyched up to take Anonykid out in the next couple of weeks. I’d like to meet someone out, say, at a coffee shop or something for an hour or two, just to get out of the house and see what it’s like to take out my baby. It’s scary, though!

Do any moms have any advice for first-timers about taking out little babies?

How do you deal with strangers getting too close to your baby?

Where do you change the baby if she has an accident and the bathroom is not suitable (for example, Starbucks bathrooms are usually clean, but very small and no room for changing)?

What non-obvious things do you recommend packing in your your diaper bag?

Any tips for nursing in public (I’m getting used to nursing and still rely on my nursing pillow, so am nervous about having to do this in public)?

Any other tips appreciated!!

Anonymom

Coping Strategies: Do’s & Dont’s of Diapering January 12, 2009

Diapers are expensive. I cloth diapered Ian from 7 months on, but have been using disposables since shortly before we left Korea until now because I needed to strip the diapers and disposables are easier when traveling. It is such a pain to buy diapers, though, especially as your child gets bigger. It is like wiping their butts with money!

There have been a few e-mails on the list on cloth diapering and I want to try to consolidate them in this post as well as talk about cloth diapering in general.

First of all, cloth diapering is a lot easier than you think. They have improved from the prefolds, pins and plastic pants. Some people still use prefolds, but there are better covers and ways of fastening them, like Snappis. Most people use a dry pail which is less messy than a wet pail. Washing machines have improved a lot and you don’t need to dunk and swish diapers of infants who are not eating solids. After they start eating solids, you need to shake off the poop into the toilet and may need to dunk and swish or get a diaper sprayer that attaches to the toilet to get it off if it doesn’t come off easily. There are also biodegradable, flushable liners that you can use in your cloth diaper. They make things so easy, though there will be times when little “Houdini” manages to poop around the liner. If this starts happening frequently, you probably need to move to a larger size liner.

Here are a few tips to get started:

1. If this is your first child (or even if it is not), don’t start cloth diapering until the meconium phase passes and you have breastfeeding under control so you don’t overwhelm yourself. Some people successfully do it all at once, but many people have trouble with breastfeeding or adjusting to the constant care and lack of sleep a newborn requires, so why add one more thing?

2. Make sure you have adequate and convenient laundry facilities. Korean dryers are not designed to dry clothes, only to take most of the moisture out. If you have a Korean dryer, you’ll need space to dry the diapers on the line. It is actually better to dry the covers on the line anyway because it is less wear and tear on your diapers and uses less energy. I have an American washer/dryer in my apartment in Korea, but even I prefer to dry the covers on the line. I do dry the inserts and wipes in the dryer, though.

3. Don’t become a collector. Some people become obsessed with cloth diapers and start collecting them and buying one-of-kind patterns that can run over $100 per diaper. Or, they just keep trying lots of different types of diapers. Cloth diapering is cheaper than disposables, even if you buy all-in-ones or pocket diapers with lots of the extra accessories like wet bags, special detergent, etc. unless you become a collector. Don’t think this is a problem? Check out online CD forums and you’ll be shocked.

4. Do some research at sites like the Diaper Pin, Hyena Cart, etc. You can see the basic types and get more info than you can possibly handle. I know that some of us in the group with kids are already cloth diapering. Seeing various diaper products in person and maybe even borrowing them to try out is a good idea if you can, because it is a big investment to make at once to get your system set up. When I was first looking for cloth diapers I found a manufacturer/mom in Singapore on Diaper Pin. That might be an affordable option for pocket diapers as far as shipping goes.

5. As for quantity, you need at least 12 diapers per size and you will have to wash every day and a half. There are one size diapers that go from newborn to toddler. I have Bum Genius One Size diapers and used them from the time Ian was 7 months old until now and he is over 2. I did just buy 6 size large Fuzzi Bunz (pocket diapers) because I think the Bum Genius are getting a little small, but they still work. Some brands like Fuzzi Bunz have good size ranges. I used medium Fuzzi Bunz from the time Ian was 7 months old until he turned 2. They are a bit too small to use now, but they lasted a long time. Other brands have many more sizes. That can get expensive. I would not buy size XS in any brand. If you have a premie or small baby, use disposables until they grow into the size small. They won’t be in XS long enough to make it worth it. Plus, if you are ordering from overseas, you won’t know in time that you have a premie or small baby.

6. Snaps versus aplix/velcro. I thought I would prefer the diapers with aplix/velcro to snaps, but after using both, I like the snaps better. They are more durable and they look better after many washings. Velcro starts to pill a bit. My velcro has stayed strong on my diapers, but it doesn’t look that great.

7. Leaks. Leaks happen in both disposables and cloth. You have to adjust to your baby’s routines and adjust the diapering. I’ve also found that some brands are better for one sex or the other. My friends and I found that Huggies (brand of disposables) were terrible for boys. Leaking seems to come in phases. I didn’t have many problems with leaks with my cloth diapers, probably the same or less than I had with disposables. If you find yourself having leaks with disposables, make sure you have the right size and you are putting them on correctly. Change more frequently and if you still have leaks, try switching brands.

If you have leaks with cloth, again, make sure you have the right size and are putting them on correctly, change more frequently and add a doubler if you still have leaks.

8. Laundry detergents: You need to be careful with laundry detergents as you can get buildup which with cause diapers to retain odor and/or reduce absorbancy. I think this would be the hardest thing about cloth diapering in Korea without access to the commissary and APO, though I believe Rachel Reeves does it, so Rachel, please comment on what detergent you use. I think the water in Seoul is very hard. I used Borax (a water softener) and that seemed to help. As for laundering instructions, start simple and make adjustments (like Borax or white vinegar or tea tree oil) if you have issues.

9. Ointments: You can’t use diaper ointments with cloth diapers because they cause build up. The good news is that your baby will probably not need ointments if you cloth diaper because they are better for baby’s skin. If you do need ointments, you can either use liners or just strip the diaper after the rash is gone. There are some products that are compatible, but might be harder to find in Korea. Doctors in the US (I always qualify my statements to let you know where I’m coming from since we are all from different countries and there are different practices in different countries) recommend against the routine use of diaper ointments and recommend against baby powder. In fact, plain water (or water with a bit of baby soap) is the best thing to clean the baby’s butt with because it is not irritating like prepared wipes, though, let’s face it, prepared wipes are easiest. I use cloth wipes at home and prepared wipes when I am out.

Here are links to the posts about cloth diapers. There are some foreign brands available and we’ve seen some Korean types that looked good, though, if you have access to Fuzzi Bunz or Bum Genius, I would go with those.

As for environmentally friendly disposables, if you have commissary access on the base, you can buy Nature Baby Care, made of corn plastic. The
y only carry them in sizes 3 and 5, so Jessica (and anyone else who has access), if you think you want to use these, put a request in for size 1 now. You can buy gDiapers online in Korea, but they are really expensive. You’d be better off using 10,000won notes instead. I’ve used gDiapers and I like them, but prefer cloth. I thought I could use cloth diapers instead of disposables and though they are easier to travel with, they really don’t take the place of disposables and I would rather use cloth at home. I haven’t seen other alternatives, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t out there.

If you want to be REALLY environmentally friendly, you can try Elimination Communication (EC) and work on potty training right away. It is a lot of work, though, and you are really training yourself as much as the baby, but you can reduce the number of diapers you use. However, it seems that kids don’t fully potty train until later, almost no matter when you start. I didn’t do this, but it is an option.

Anyone have anything to add to this discussion, please comment, especially those of you who are already cloth diapering in Korea. Also, if you are using a particular brand of Korean disposables, let everyone know if you like them or not.

Coping Strategies: Parenting “Co~Pilots” January 1, 2009

Everyone will have opinions on how you raise your child. Your own parents may be a problem as well, but you have had years to practice dealing with them.  It can be quite difficult when people you consider “out side” your loop, start to “co~pilot” your parenting approach.  These people are usually, well intentioned but they may not know when enough is enough.  Below one for our moms offers some sagely positive advice from what could become a soundly negative experience.

1. Find a parenting expert or pediatrician who supports your choices. I like Dr. Sears. Find someone who agrees with you and quote them. Others may have their own expert, but then it is expert vs. expert instead of expert vs. new parent. It tends to shut down discussion.

2. Decide what is really important and let other things go. For example, your kids having a few extra cookies (as long as they are old enough to have solids and do not have a medical condition like diabetes that would rule out eating cookies), let it go. Your kids riding in a car without carseats or seatbelts, hold the line.

3. The old “nod and smile” can really come in handy. When people are dispensing advice that you don’t agree with, just nod and smile and say,”That is an interesting approach”. Maybe follow up with,”We are following Dr. X and he says….” Try not to get into an argument or convince them that you are right. Unless they are trying to do something immediately that you really disagree with, otherwise, just listen and ignore.

4. Establish boundaries early. You are the parent. It doesn’t matter that they raised children because the guidelines change (like putting baby to sleep on the back instead of the stomach) and your comfort level is the one that matters. Don’t leave your child alone with anyone who does not respect your choices.